Sunday, April 4, 2010

Sadness and Madness

And this is my post to inaugurate the month of April. Chennai summer's are here and how have they arrived? With every intention of letting people of this city die by natural causes such as over-sweating during a power cut, heat stroke at 9am, boiling after bathing in the scalding pipe water and so on. I don't want to whine, because I know that this will happen every year, but we had the longest extended winter/spring in '09/'10. I want it back!Well, that aside, I've been having my brain fry days way too frequently lately. As much as I want to not think about things it seems that I will have to. At my age, the only things that people are capable of asking me is, "Are you married? Your parents looking for a boy? These days young girls should go out and find a boy themselves." Now here is my problem with these questions - a) I don't need you, a complete stranger to know what the EFF is going on in my life. b) My parents are well aware of what they should and should not be doing, so back off. c) I really don't need your hypocritical take on what the "younger generation" should be doing.
Ay! So many things seem to tick me off lately. I used to be calmer, but I guess the stress of being around my grandmother who simply doesn't know who I am and insists that I'm a rent-paying occupant of the house hurts way too much. She's taught me the Malayalam I know. She was the first one to teach me hoe to cut veggies and cook something half-edible. She now says, I'm someone who lives there, in my aunt's apartment, who might be a family member but definitely not hers. It hurts. A lot. I hate old age and everything that comes with it. I hate knowing that she will never be able to appreciate the good things that happen for me that she's wished for my whole life, things like my wedding for instance. It bothers me that there are days when she is clear about things, but those days she spends beating her chest and crying over the fact that we, her children and grandchildren, are torturing her by keeping her in Chennai and not sending her to Kerala. She thinks our neighbours upstairs are the ones who look after her better. She sits at hoem alone everyday talking to herself about things that bother her with no one to listen to. Our choices as a family are to either quit out jobs and look after her, or let her deteriorate. I'm not sure what has to be done next. I just hope that she does recognise me before she dies.My friend Mythily posted something about her grandmother too. After reading that I know that no matter how exasperated I get with her, she'll always be my amuma. The only person in the world who knows how to make sambar! :) I miss her cooking, her ability to take a potato and make it taste like some exotic other-worldly food items. I miss so much about her, but mostly I miss my old, spunky, full of memories and stories amuma. I want her back, but she won't be coming back ever.
*************************************************************************************

In other headlines, I found thissnooping around the cars outside my office. I had to take a picture. I mean, there I was, running to get home and eat dinner and then run to Koyambedu to take a bus to Trichy when I saw Ms Heavily Pregnant Buffalo walking down Chamier's Road as if she owned it. Not bothering that there was traffic that was coming headlong in her direction or that this was not her space. She seemed completely at home, and this is why I love my country. Purely because a real buffalo can metaphorically represent many a dimwit commuter on the roads of my city. ;)
*************************************************************************************


These shorts, that my brother is very helpfully posing in, used to be a gunny sack for boiled rice. Go recycling! :)

Sh






No comments:

Post a Comment