Self-esteem. It's such a vital thing to a person no? I mean, you think you have it all until someone brings you down on terra firma and suddenly you're all over the place. One word of criticism can take the wind out of your sails and you find that you're not everything you thought you are. What do you do then? Cry? Cower? Or face the music and do what it takes to not get bogged down?
Crying and cowering are options if you take criticism personally. I remember a time when people calling me fat had me think things that ranged from 'I'm friendless in the world' to 'I'm ugly'. I'm neither of the above, and yet, a snarky comment or a cold-ish tone of voice will set my antennae on red alert. I can't help it. These are fat kid insecurities that never go away however pretty you get. And no, it's not like I'm pretty, I'm just drop dead gorgeous! *rolls eyes* So, moving on to the deep and meaningful profoundity that is ensconed in this rant about myself. I find that I'm in a place where I wonder if I should even be doing what I'm doing. I'm enjoying it, but there's some chemical X that's missing from this mix. I'm not a powerpuff girl. I want to be one, but something I'm doing, or not, is not helping my ascent to superstardom.
I think I'd rather go some place where I can ascend to superstardom. I don't want to be in this routine for the next five years only to get the same feedback and the same dejected 'shit, this one could be awesome but she's not capitalising on her inherent awesomeness'. Not sure what to make of this whole thing anyway. It's a thought. Not a pleasant one, but a thought nonetheless.
In other headlines - my earworm for this week has been - Brighter than Sunshine.