Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Overanalysis

The thing about talent is the simple fact that it needs to be discovered. Of course, Simon Fuller will know a thing or two about discovering talent, but that doesn’t mean he’s the only one.

All of us have some kind of talent. When I say talent, I don’t mean things like singing, dancing, all that does require talent, but it’s a little clichéd. Talent can also extend itself into territory like your behavior, for instance. Some people are talented at social faux pas. Uttering completely kuppai statements in situations that don’t warrant it and yet managing to be part of a friend circle. They are talented people as well.

The trouble with this broader definition of talent is that you are forced to ask yourself what it is that you have a talent for. Me? I’m talented at fucking up. Royally.

Be they relationships or work, I have a knack of ensuring that any and everything that is smooth-sailing in my life will eventually sink and hit rock bottom, irretrievable and irreconcilable. I do this simply by cutting myself off from people. It’s a very moody thing. Some days I can’t be more of a social person, on some days, I’d rather be cooped in a corner with a book and a bag of chips. This swinging has cost me so many relationships, it’s no longer funny.

The thing is, I continue to do it. I know I am. I know I should stop, but I can’t seem to stop myself. You can call it an addiction. I can’t seem to stop when it is happening and I don’t see a solution at all. I fear for myself because the way things are going, I know that I will end up sitting all alone in a dingy apartment wondering how the hell my life went by.

My only wish is that I don’t get killed by the people I push away…

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