Saturday, May 14, 2011

How some human beings are idiots

Protection of oneself from harm or destruction.
The instinct for individual preservation; the innate desire to stay alive.

Here’s what I want to do to self preservation – I want to chop it into tiny little pieces, then sear it in burning hot coals and then use it as fishing bait in the Cooum River until it gets eaten completely by the strange bacteria and other toxic chemicals in the water. If there is any remnant of self-preservation after that, I would like to flatten it under a speeding train and then have it crushed under some heavy machinery that is currently constructing the Chennai Metro Rail.

The only reason I’m undermining the dictionary meaning is because this word has been abused by idiots that I have the extreme displeasure to be acquainted with. If a turtle employs this method, I am completely okay with it, because without this instinct, a turtle would, well, die! Same goes for the touch-me-not plant.

However, when human beings, whose lives are in no danger whatsoever, use this “technique” to avoid communication altogether, I have some very serious problems with this so-called survival tactic. How the hell does friendship/a relationship/love call for self-preservation – Are you being mauled by political gundas because you’re a good friend or are in a relationship or are in love? Does someone have knife to your jugular? Did someone threaten to crack your skull open with a rock? If the answer to all of these questions is no, then you simply do not have the right, constitutional or otherwise, to employ self-preservation. It’s that simple and there is no fucking way around it.

I don’t care if you’re a post-modern junkie who has issues with the basic existence of the human race. I don’t give a damn if complication seeks you out and fucks you ass ways because you are too much of a spineless shit to stand up and do something about it. Self-preservation kicks in when you are at your lowest and you find the need to be alive more than the need for suicide. When you find yourself grudgingly making the right mumbles about everyday mundanity? That’s self-preservation. Your inability to reach out? That’s called being a total chooth, in all your choothness.

God! I hate moronic nonsense like – my soul needs soothing because the world we live in is messed up. As per every religious text, we live in a time of strife, pain and heightened callousness; hence, we are fucked up by virtue of being alive in this time, so take your needs-soothing soul and jump off a snowy peak and freeze and die in the cold because the world doesn’t need you.

If one more shitfaced idiot, male or female, comes to me with this self-preservation nonsense, I am going to turn into a serial killer. Really. The only way to deal with this problem is to employ the method of slow and carefully carried out elimination.


  1. errrmm. ohkayy. would you like to talk about this or has ranting helped? :D

  2. Hahahaha!I love this. Dood. Seriously. This needed to be said. Well said. I particularly found the being a total chooth in all your choothness most agreeable. Ah. I needed to read this. Exactly what I want to say, only better sounding.

  3. This post my lovely ladies, is for all of us who have encountered these people. I'm not in an angry place, I'm just stating the feelings the way it needs to be stated, as opposed to be being politically correct. Is all... :)

  4. LOL!! Trust u to be so eloquent about this!! I'm lauwing it i say!!! :D

  5. Hehe. Jeya, ya ya. :D what to do!