Monday, July 30, 2012

Wedding photographers

This is just a small note, because you know, someone who went to a wedding managed to get space in a national daily and did two things – one, write a piece in the editorial section and two, mention the word backside in print. In the case of the usage of the word backside, it was appropriate, so I don’t have an issue there. I do, however, have a problem with the fact that family members have a problem with wedding photographers.

First, when a wedding is fixed, what do you people do? Make endless inquiries about how the girl and boy met – is it a love match or arranged match? (I don’t know how else to word it, apologies), did you do a proper background check? How much does the boy earn? Do you allow her to speak to him? Are you sure YOUR daughter said yes to a boy YOU chose?

Second  are the inquiries about what you have to do at the wedding – what kind of ceremony are you having? Have the boy’s family made any demands? How much jewellery are you giving your daughter? Where are you buying the wedding sarees from? How much are you spending for the wedding? Are you serving a sit-down meal (sadya / ela saapadu) or will it be a buffet? How many people are you inviting to the wedding? Have you remembered to call this specific auntie?

My response to these people would be – mind your own business. But parents who are faced with these queries always answer patiently.

This is where I would like to step in and offer my two cents worth of yelling and name-calling. Who gives a shit about someone getting offended about looking at some photographer’s ass? Also why do you give a shit about looking at some photographer’s ass?

(1) You want to have “memories” from the wedding, so you hire someone to capture those memories for you. How he chooses to do it – standing right side up or upside down shouldn’t be your problem, right? Also, you don’t question the caterer who will only serve one teaspoon of poriyal (vegetable side dish) despite your paying him an insane amount of money to serve food at the wedding, so why bitch out the photographer?

(2) EVERY person who comes to the wedding and then visits you at some point will want to see the wedding album. Why? Because (a) they want to check out how they looked at your wedding and (b) they want to bitch about how they only saw the photographer’s ass and not the ceremony.

(3) Except for people in the first row, no one ever gets a good look at the proceedings in the mandapam anyway. Everyone else is left looking at the back of some aunty’s head, some other young girl’s really well-tailored saree blouse, some uncle’s really badly dyed hair, and some annoying child squirming in a chair and being annoying and whiny.

(4) It’s called a wedding ceremony not a marriage. The only witness in a marriage is a spouse and any other omniscient being that exists on this planet. The people who do not understand this difference should neither be getting married nor writing columns about going to weddings.

(5) Every invitee to a wedding brings their camera and manages to get one “good shot” at the ceremony and most often this person will be directly related to the person whining about having to check out the ass of some photographer. Said ass-checker will  visit the bride or groom, as the case may be, and then talk about how this direct relative got a great photo and put it up on Facebook.

For everyone who doesn’t want to check out some photographer’s ass at a wedding, maybe you could not come at all? Or go out while the ceremony is happening and come back for the mandatory photograph with the newly wed couple? And later visit the bride’s home or the groom's home and look at the album and talk about how you had to step out of the wedding venue because a photographer’s ass was totally ruining your view of the wedding.

You’re going to complain anyway, so the photographer's asses will be where they are, in your face!


  1. Tiny? Did his people really name him that? Oh derriere! :-P

    1. Yup. named him Tiny. Maybe it is a nom de plume....

  2. i have never heard the people who actually hire and pay for the photographer crib about them blocking during the ceremony. its only the ones who fail to throw the atchadha at the happy couples eyes (with a vengeance) who keep complaining. anyhow they telecast the entire proceedings live for everyones benefit on the closed circuit tvs no more reason to complain i guess...if anyone should complain it the photographers who get their asses peepered with all those micheal jordanesque slamdunk rice throwing...

    1. I don't want to telecast things at my wedding... and you're right, the photographers must complain at them having their asses peered at! :)

  3. Sorry Shruti, I don't agree here when you say wedding invitees cannot complain about photographers asses blocking their views.

    Why does someone care to invite guests for a wedding in the first place if he/she can't guarantee that they can witness the wedding. One could as well just send his/her wedding pics to people by post or mail. If you have invited someone to a wedding, I believe its your duty to make sure they enjoy the wedding ceremony.

    Just my thought.