Thursday, September 13, 2012

Shru's excuses are shit

The next time my genus self comes up with a genius excuse online about why I'm irregular with the blog posts, do me a favour and slap my face? Or make me smell fish. Okay, don't make me smell fish, I don't like fish smell. Anyway, do something other than say polite things about how nice it is to read my latest, so I will be motivated to write more. Thing is, I should write more. I want to. I need to.

Now that that's out of the way. Let's get to today's post on theories and what I think of those theories.

The theorists that I was initially exposed to were not academic or profound, they were my parents. And parents often pose theories in the guise of life lessons/philosophies. In my father's case, these theories were often about boys. Obviously, to my father every fellow was the villain from Psycho.

Here's the theory - Boys don't want to be friends with girls, they will use friendship as a ruse to get to know you better and then will brag about how easy you are with the details about your life. Details here mean your personal information like your phone number and email ID. The key words to be looked at in this theory are of course 'easy', 'brag', 'ruse'.

I was a teenager when this theorising was happening. For some reason till the time you are 12 years old, you are not given enough importance to apply your mind and do things. Only  when you are teenager does your brain really kick into high gear and go batshit nuts on your parents. So they tell us. By the time I was considered old enough to handle the shocking news that boys were bad for my overall health and well-being, I had spent a considerable amount of time in a co-education school, you know with boys in my class and in my immediate vicinity.

During lecture hour with dad, I was tempted to tell him - "your theory is utter bullshit dad because X and I have been friends since we were in Kindergarten and I'm pretty sure he doesn't talk about me the way you think he does". No, what I did instead was get sad and teary and told him that he's being unreasonable. Well, I tried telling him once and he just dismissed it as bullshit because he was older and was a boy when he was young and in his tiny village in Kerala he used to be mean about girls. So that kind of made him an expert in this shit and I should shut up and listen and not talk to boys because as I mentioned earlier, boys were bad for my health and well-being.

Now, for some reason all parents who grew up in middle-class India in the 1960s and 1970s all have one refrain in common - be friends with people from the opposite sex, but to a limit, otherwise you will never get married, because people will think you are that type of girl. WHATTHEFUCK?!

The implications of being in healthy, platonic, emotionally viable relationships with boys was never something my father could fathom. In his opinion, I had boobs and was therefore subject to boys' attention. Um, okay dad. Apparently the biggest crime on this planet is that someone have a crush on me or feel physically attracted to me because dude, that's just wrong, yo. Not at all good for the future when people find out that you're interesting enough to be liked by boys because if a boy likes you and talks about it then you're that type of girl - who boys like and will talk about. And when boys are talking about you, you have little or no moral compass or character. Again, WHATTHEFUCK?!

The theories and my responses to them are obviously in retrospect. I would never have dared to think this aloud ever. Till I was 18, I would listen to lectures intermittently, cry about it in my spare time, and then wonder if all these reported things happened to those people who had parents who didn't lecture. Of course, by that time this "generation gap" shitbucket began to make its way into popular speak and I blamed it on that. Following my entry into college, a few new grey cells were created in my brain and I began to actually think about the things my parents lectured me about. Specifically about boys and how they were bad for my health and well-being.

To me, at that time, the concept was ridiculous, dated and a little misplaced.I honestly believe that you need to have experienced something first-hand in order to have an honest and rational opinion about it. Stoners feel passionately about their weed and hash, I for one, don't get it; but I don't offer some moral assholery to them because I don't smoke weed/hash. Especially when I don't know what the stoner experience is.

You make mistakes, you learn. That's the deal, right? No. Wrong! If you're a child, it is not enough that you get indoctrinated about right and wrong, you must also bear the burden of your parents' morality, in most cases your father's morality because this is a patriarchal society and even if you're trying to live up to your father's standards, your mother will always be blamed for you having the audacity for wearing sleeveless kurtas. That's the thing about dads, they think they're saying half these so-called, well-intentioned gemstones of advice because they feel that their children ought to learn important life lessons via the "I talk, you listen and follow" method. It doesn't fucking work!

Have you ever tried feeding a baby that does not want to eat? If you have, you will know fully well that rebellion begins when humans are at the stage when they are dependent on other humans for basic sustenance. So this whole "Oh she's a teenager, it's the hormones" thing is crap. Utter nonsense.

So, I had singled out the words 'easy', 'brag' and 'ruse'.

Let's talk about that for a minute.

Easy - I HATE the connotation. I do. Just because I had sex when I wanted to, knowing fully well what it entailed and just because said sexual partner was acquired "before marriage", I'm easy? What the fuck? How does that make me "of loose morals"? HOW? TELLMEHOW? How does the act of being physically intimate with someone become a moral thing? You didn't have sex before marriage, good for you. Please take your morality and pass it on to your children, don't dump that load on me, I'm not going to deal with it.  I have a different moral and personal take on sexual behaviour, learn to respect it, just like you expect me to respect your opinion.

Brag - what the hell does this mean? Yeah, there are a finite number of assholes who talk about how they have 'girlfriends' who talk to them and hang out with them. There are also an equally finite number of men to whom you are important and who will not brag about the fact that they know you. They will instead make plans to drink beer with you, pig out on pasta and cupcakes and be nice to you with no agenda. Probably shocking, I know, but they exist. The way bragging has been made this cool thing on the internet and by Barney Stinson really makes me wonder why the hell it's cool to talk in a manner that dehumanises the other person. Especially since the only thing that person probably did was to give you some of their time and some of their selves. But no, your assholery trumps some honest-to-god goodfellow's niceness and makes its way into my dad's lectures. Thank you for existing, really. Thank you.

Ruse -There are only a select few, again finite number, of people who are qualified to spy in this country and they employ ruses. Why some idiot will use an excuse to get my phone number and do nothing with it is beyond me. If my phone number gets passed on? I become loose a? What? So basically some fellow will use some shit excuse to get my phone number - last I checked most people asked outright "what's your number? is it okay to call?" and people imparted this information willingly or  did not part with the details, at all. There is no need for a ruse. What ruse? Ask my friend for my number? Uh, okay. That happens sometimes, but how does that tie in with this loose/easy trope? HOW?

 You keep thinking it's parents who're nuts because they're being parents. Then you meet other parents who let their kids be and miraculously seem to have brought up well-adjusted individuals. With all the  lecturing and the "what will people say" fucking nonsense that I heard and continue to hear (now it's "you're getting married, if you step out at odd hours people will talk", WHATTHEFUCK?!) I'm surprised that I am able to refer to myself as a rational, sensible human being. I am. I feel like I should be in America right now with all my problems and consult a shrink. the thing is, it's not parents, everyone's opinionated and insane and moralising and that makes writing this even worse. Who are we to judge when we are so judge-y ourselves? I don't get it.

I guess it's about being right sometimes and being wrong the rest of the time and figuring this shit out. Escapists and other assorted religious scholars will talk about having the ability to disconnect the mind in order to find world peace and inner peace and live happily ever after. If finding peace of mind means having to unplug from all this, how the hell am I ever going to explain to my friends that I am no longer available for hugs and chocolate and beer and pasta and ice cream? How the hell do you disconnect from ice cream?

I don't know I'm tired of the moral brigade that thinks it's better than me. I'm tired of "well brought up girls" being thrown at me. I'm tired of being told how to behave in a socially acceptable, morally sound manner. I'm tired of it.

I'm going to find chocolate cake and eat all of it.