Saturday, March 9, 2013

Mosquito bites give me rashes

They do. I spent all of last night slathered in coconut oil (because, you know, I'm Mallu and Mallus use coconut oil as a magical cure for everything. EVERYTHING!) and trying the damnedest not to itch the stupid rash that self-manifested on my arm after a mosquito bite. Annoying bastards! Also, Maharashtra mosquitoes are HUGE and it takes the electric mosquito bat around 15seconds longer to fry them. Finally, there are two.. TWO obese lizards living in my house behind the heater. I would like to kill them. I'm installing the lizard trapping box near the heater ASAP.

Now that the domestic updates are done. I want to talk about something I read recently.

The 'article' like most articles by young Indian women was about arranged marriage. And like most articles on the subject it talked about how un-modern it is. Here are its salient points:

1) Most Indian girls like the author are 'independent' and 'progressive', and these two qualities make online 'dating' and 'hooking up' yucky.

2) Most girls who are independent and progressive have educated parents who ought to know better but don't.

3) Somehow, magiically most 'independent' and 'progressive' girls find themselves on the listings of an online matrimonial / matchmaking service, and even more magically meet a non-moron and this is the best of all... proceed to 'like' him.

4) Every single one of these stories ends with "and that's how I met my husband".

First - the article at no point speaks of the writer's marital status. I found out via a friend who had originally posted the article on Facebook that the writer is married. And that piece of information basically ticked me off. The thing is those of us who bitched about having to meet the crazies before we found our men - either through our dads or ourselves - are in relationships that require a lot of effort. It's a lot of work this marriage shindig. Especially if the person you've married is, essentially, a stranger. To be adjusting, accommodating and also domestic all at the same time is hard work. I have three degrees. My father's investment in my education has basically culminated in my status updates about paneer butter masala. The truth of having left everything behind to 'enter into a new phase of life' is more uncomfortable than all the pretty quotes on the Internet about marriage. It is also more uncomfortable than all your supposedly happily married female friends going on and on about how awesome their husbands are and so on. If I had, at any point in time during my engagement, had a vision that I'd update my status and mention paneer butter masala in it I would have either killed myself or called the engagement off. However, I am married. It's work, but I like the fellow I'm hitched to.

Second - there is absolutely no core philosophy in the article. What's the point of it? Is she saying that arranged marriages are wrong? If yes, why? Where's her factual understanding of the 'traditional' method of husband-finding? If no, why? Where's her factual understanding of the 'non-traditional' method of husband-finding?

Third - what is progressive and independent? Conforming to social expectations? Succumbing to social pressure and pretending that a life choice made under the aegis of free will is progressive and independent? Seriously? What are we doing now? Supporting double standards as a way of life?

If the goal in life is to find an 'eligible bachelor' and make him yours by means of a government approved, legally binding piece of paper then what's the difference between you and that other so-called uncool girl who got married at 18 and had two kids by the time she was 21? Really, what's the difference? Your life goals are the same. You just chose to get an education and be single for longer because your parents let you. Ultimately, most of these 'urban' (I don't know what the hell it even means, really), 'independent', 'progressive' girls who rant and rant and rant (I've devoted an entire series of posts here to the topic of arranged marriages) all get married. They are all, for a short while or for the long-term, domestic and wifely. Most of them move on to become parents also.

I'm tired of this shitty rut of a topic of discussion because it's shitting out some shitty writing and shitty content that makes runny poop look like a garden of roses! And you know what's the worst part? People will lap this bullshit up and be all like 'oh my god, you're me. this is my life story.' and I will silently vomit into a bag of stale kurkure and come to my blog and bitch and bitch and bitch. I will also have, while bitching, contradicted myself about 5000000 times and then silently vomit into the uruli on my centre table.

I want the publishing industry to please issue a ban on this topic. (If I send you a manuscript, reject it, okay? I don't need to be encouraged!)

I keep thinking the women in our country will come up with awesome ways to prove how we're awesome. But no, we end up producing tripe like this and everyone in this universe will go on about how 'marriages are arranged in India, how curious', and other such assorted BS.

Really, is that what we're reducing our fight for rights to? The fact that we spent most of our adult lives rejecting the idea of having our 'life partner' chosen for us by family elders? Did no one tell the rest of the universe that we said yes because we liked the fellows and no one was holding a gun to our heads at the time? Like I said, more to worry about than Western culture overtaking our 'tightly packed Indian morals'.

I'm going to make ginger tea and clean up my silent vomit. Bye.


2 comments:

  1. "I keep thinking the women in our country will come up with awesome ways to prove how we're awesome. But no, we end up producing tripe like this and everyone in this universe will go on about how 'marriages are arranged in India, how curious', and other such assorted BS." - love this part :)

    Mosquitoes - if you can, try growing lemongrass at home, it helps curb the mosquito menace to some extent at least, worth trying, does bring in a lemon-like fragrance that mosquitoes detest.

    It is sad to see that women who are educated actually rather than crediting their 'choices' as the reason of what they are looking to point out something responsible for where they are. Yes, society plays a role, but in the end, choice is upto the person. Maybe its easy for me to say that but I feel so .. just saying :) Nice post Shrutz !!

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  2. Mosquitoes--- I heard 3/4 cocunut and 1/4 Neem oil , will do the trick.

    Rama

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